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  • Writer's pictureTheresa Minnoch

When is dating after the death of the spouse “too soon”?

Updated: Dec 10, 2021

After my husband’s passing, it has been interesting to see society and their thoughts on dating. It’s been a year-and-a-half by the way since he passed. For most people, they seem to think the time to get out there and start dating is a year. Once I hit the year mark, I started getting pulled into conversations about starting to date again. “Your husband would want you to be happy.” Some of the conversations lead to needing to find someone to help me with the house and kids. When I get approached by someone and they ask how long it’s been, they relax and ask me out when I say a if a year is this magical time that opens the door or at least a widow.

Let me break it down. Every widow is different. Some of us want to date within a few months. Some of us take years. Some of us are good at a year. It all steams from the widow’s thoughts about dating and their reason for dating.

I personally am not ready. I’m totally good with that. I have no emotional attachment to dating right now. I have my priorities, and dating is not one of them.

When I do date though, it will be to experience dating, enjoy company, learn new things about people and myself, find a partner to enjoy spending time with. I will not be looking to date so I can fix something or save me in some way. Can you imagine the pressure if my focus was finding someone to help me raise kids, fix things around the house, help financially, etc.? That is not a good place to start dating.

From what I’ve learned I am capable of anything I put my mind to. I am 100% ok with being single for a while. I like myself. I like being in my own company.

I know someday something will shift and I will be ready to date, it just not today.

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