Other People's Stuff
What happens when you can’t change someone’s mind? What happens when someone has a thought or an opinion about you that isn’t true? Or it there is a small truth to it, it’s blown out of portion. Do you have people in your life that, no matter what, you cannot do anything right? No matter what, you are in the wrong.
Do you have a person in your life that is constantly accusing you of things? Sometimes it feels like it is out of nowhere. Sometimes you know its coming and you brace for it. What about a person in your life that seems to be always picking at you?
Have you ever been accused of having a “tone” to your text messages? Have you had someone tell you “well you probably think…” or “you wouldn’t like this because…”? How about “You must think _____ about me” or “I know your thinking _____ and that makes me mad/sad/hurt”. Maybe you’ve had someone accuse you of having bad thoughts about them?
The easy thing to say is this is all a reflection of THEIR thoughts, THEIR mind. They are projecting their stuff onto you. Or maybe they see some small truth in what they are saying and their brain searches for all the evidence to justify and solidify what they are saying, doing, and accusing.
That knowledge can be helpful. But what happens when it still hurts?
If you know yourself fully, if you accept every part of who you are, if you look into the mirror and see all of you and love every part…then you are UNTOUCHABLE. You are so secure in who you are that you can see your truth and theirs. If they point out something that is partly or fully true, you can agree with them. No defense necessary. If you don’t agree, that’s ok, no big deal, because you know you.
Let’s come back to how they are projecting their thoughts onto you. Imagine being in their mind. Imagine living with those thoughts. It’s very likely they are living with all those about themselves. That knowledge can bring compassion to the person. They live with this harsh judge who is berating them day in and day out. Then, they turn it on others, judging others to give themselves some sense of relief. Only it doesn’t. It continues the cycle of pain and suffering they are living with. They live in the victim mode of the world being against them at the whim of what happens next.
If you choose to be around this type of person, understand this is a choice. As a grown adult, you can choose to be around them or not. Maybe this is family. That may be complicated for you. But you do have the choice to be there or not. It’s the same for your workplace. If you have a job where someone is like this, you are still choosing to work there. Either be ok with that situation OR move on. I don’t say this to be crass, I say this to give you the power to choose and the knowledge to help you manage your mind around it.
If you would like help becoming untouchable and making the needed changes in your life, I invite you to set up a mini session and we can dive in to some valuable help.